I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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