Just took my morning after pill in the library
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
