Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
