Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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