Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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