6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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