My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
