Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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