I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
