She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
