just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
