She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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