A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
