i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
