for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
