Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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