How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
