Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
