Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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