I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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