I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
