Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
