Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
whose parrot is this?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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