You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
