im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
