: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
