I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
