I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
40s are totally the cure
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
