I want to walk on stilts...naked
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
