We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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