Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
