The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
