If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
