I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize