just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
