How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
