I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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