you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
