Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
