I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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