he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks