he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
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the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle