Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.