I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters