I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card