I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands