no, he came in my armpit
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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