508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
