first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
