Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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