my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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