I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
