My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
