2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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