Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
