so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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