i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
