What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
be right there i have to get my cape
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
