Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap