he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.