In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know