If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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