How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
