you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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