I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
