Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
