I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
