I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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