He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
