She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
