Can i not drive my cunt home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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